Ex-husband demands $5000 from sale of their former home, ex-wife refuses to sell to a landlord: 'He knows full well how I feel about landlords buying up starter homes'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 5, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

If it's her home now, then does he get any say in how she sells it?

When something is yours, you get to decide what to do with it. At least hopefully. Let's say you save up for months to buy a new bike. You're so excited about it, and you can't wait to ride it around town. But suddenly your job requires you to move to a new city. One where you will have no use for bikes. The time has come, you think. You're going to sell your bike. Nobody else gets to tell you what to do with it, right?

That's not always what ends up happening, though, in those kinds of situations. When you're close to someone, you might end up feeling entitled to some of their stuff. This classically happens in a marriage. It's why we have things like prenups and divorce lawyers. It's not always so easy to divvy up your belongings in the end. You might need some outside intervention to let you know what you're doing wrong and who might be at fault. 

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  • A man inspects the curtains in a house.
    via Unsplash+ (Natalia Blauth)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this complicated situation, where a formerly married couple had trouble sorting out their finances way down the line when the ex-wife was selling the house they used to share. But she had stipulations on how she wanted it to go that he wasn't necessarily aligned with. Read on to see what happened. 

  • AITA for refusing to sell my house to a landlord?

    I bought a fixer-upper in my 20s with my now ex. I bought him out, but agreed to give him back his portion of deposit he paid upon sale whenever that may be. We remained friends as we've known eachother since childhood, regardless of that I still plan to stick to my work 8 years later.
    via u/Hideious
  • I told him I was in the process of selling the house, he asked me if I had any offers and i told him yeah but from a few landlords. I didn't think that needed further explanation because he knows full well how I feel about landlords buying up starter homes in lower income areas, and how strongly I felt about turning this house into a home for myself and the next occupants.
    via u/Hideious
  • He's absolutely furious at me for not going for a quick sale because he wants his measley 5k back now. I told him no way, and tried to remind him of all the offers we made on starter homes that just got swept up by landlords. It was devastating and we almost lost all hope of getting on the property ladder. None of them wanted this one because it needed so much work.
    via u/Hideious
  • He's blowing my phone up, and told my parents who are more gently telling me to just go for the easy sale but I'm in no rush to move and want all my hard work to go to a family instead of someones business. AITA?
    via u/Hideious
  • Edit: giving him the 5K specifically from the sale has been discussed over messages many times in the past. If I just give him 5k now, he could still say I owe him from the sale of the house. Getting him out was a nightmare as he can be pretty nasty. Most of the time he's fine but he suddenly switches and "goes to war" with people.
    via u/Hideious

  • Commenters offered some ideas to help.

    Alien-lifeform666 20h ago Edit: giving him the 5K specifically from the sale has been discussed over messages many times in the past. If I just give him 5k now, he could still say I owe him from the sale of the house. Invest a few hundred in lawyer's fees and get a formal agreement drafted that this is
    via u/Alien-lifeform666
  • Sign on a door that reads "FOR SALE OPEN HOUSE"
    via Unsplash+ (Pablo Merchán Montes)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • the 5K he is entitled to, paid in advance of the sale of the house rather than after. It's not complicated. You say he can be nasty, but he wants a quick sale so he can get his money, so he has every incentive to agree to this because he gets his money now.
    via u/Alien-lifeform666
  • ObiYawnKenobi 20h ago > If I just give him 5k now, he could still say I owe him from the sale of the house. Not if he signs a release in exchange for the $5k.
    via u/ObiYawnKenobi
  • This-Firefighter86... 20h ago NTA. You don't owe a landlord a sale, and you don't owe your ex instant cash. You're selling responsibly and sticking to your values, nothing wrong with that.
    via u/This-Firefighter8673
  • Mu... • • 20h ago Edited 20h ago NTA. He can be patient and S k it up. It's YOUR house (you bought him out) and YOUR choice. If you don't want to sell to a rich a hole who's only gonna use the place for a quick profit, that's your choice and both your ex and parents can bot out. If you're able just give him the $5k before you sell the house so he stops pestering about it and is removed from the equation
    via u/Mundane-Run6179
  • Band-Aid-Juice 20h ago I'd just pay him the $5k now and remove him from the equation.
    via u/Band-Aid-Juice
  • Kerostasis 20h ago INFO - this depends heavily on the details buried in this sentence: I bought him out, but agreed to give him back his portion of deposit he paid upon sale whenever that may be.
    via u/Kerostasis
  • What sort of deal did you make at the time? How long ago was that? What were you "buying out" if that doesn't include the deposit?
    via u/Kerostasis
  • Savings_Telephone_... 20h ago Write a contract where you give him the $5k now in exchange for him releasing any claim to the proceeds of sale. Easy easy.
    via u/Savings_Telephone_96
  • baja... 19h ago Edited 19h ago • I want to thank you for doing this. I strongly believe my son and his wife got their home because the elderly owner wanted it to go to a young family instead of becoming a rental. I'm sure she must have turned down higher offers by selling to them. NTA, if there wasn't a time limit set when he agreed to wait until you sold the home, he can't now set one.
    via u/bajae5
  • • Character-Extreme-... · 20h ago NTA, tell him you've decided not to sell. Once you do decide to sell and it's sold, you will let him know and give him his downpayment back at the time when it has sold. Your mistake was telling him before it had sold.
    via u/Character-Extreme-34
  • Infinite-Cat-Peep 20h ago NTA. He's waited this long, he can wait another month or two. Even in this market, that's all it will take for a starter home.
    via u/Infinite-Cat-Peep
  • indred72 20h ago NTA - You agreed to pay him back the deposit after you bought him out. It doesn't matter where the money comes from. If you don't want to sell to a landlord, that's none of his business.
    via u/indred72
  • fargo-utah ⚫ 20h ago NTA. Never sell to a landlord and especially not to an agency that wants to rent it out at a high markup
    via u/fargo-utah
  • ChaoticCapricorn • 19h ago Pretty sure you can give him the 5k after he signs something acknowledging that the 5k is fulfilling the prior agreement and he waives any further claim to sale proceeds. This doesn't sound like a difficult problem to solve actually. Contact a lawyer and get this taken care of.
    via u/ChaoticCapricorn
  • Fragrant-Point3378 20h ago NTA and thank you for doing what you can to ease the housing crisis. It's appalling. that some people s kup homes like pac-man while other hardworking families can't get their foot in the door, and prices just keep going up.
    via u/Fragrant-Point3378
  • Antani101 19h ago Just give him 5k now and draw up some writing that he accepts 5k now and forfeits the 5k from the house sale. It's not that hard.
    via u/Antani101
  • Kindly-Push-3460 - 19h ago He lost all rights on deciding who to sell to when you bought him out. Ignore him, and do what is right for you.
    via u/Kindly-Push-3460
  • itsFeztho. 20h ago No, f the landlords and your ex. You put plenty of heart and money into this home to make it yours. As the owner, you have the right to decide who you want to sell it to, unless the "giving back of deposit" deal was settled in a contract along
    via u/itsFeztho
  • with the buying him out, that's just you being nice and giving him your word; but it's not legally standing. He can wait or you can say "you know what? I was being nice, but screw you II
    via u/itsFeztho
  • Fit_Squirrel_4604 • 19h ago Pay him the 5k and get some legal paper work saying that's the 5000 from the original deal and he is not entitled to seek more after the sale of the house or ever.
    via u/Fit_Squirrel_4604
  • DropstoneTed • 20h ago NTA, particularly for not allowing yet another residential property to be lost into the gaping maw of commercia real estate. But you apparently still owe him the money, $5k is nothing in the world of real estate, take out a loan or something to pay him off and get him off your back.
    via u/DropstoneTed

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long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship marriage relationship status house homeowner new homeowners relationship-drama reddit story marriage-drama relationships story reddit thread Reddit healthy relationship
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